Thursday, February 16, 2006

Sisuahlai's Everything You Wanted To Know About Love

CHENG-JI n. gun-seed or bullet

Listen well...

(1) Men prefer women with a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7 and symmetrical, happy faces. No use having a perfect ratio but with a chiak cheng-ji face (worried face, one that has bitten a bullet!).

(2) Love and fear send the same type of message to the brain: take your date to a horror film and they're more likely to find you attractive. Suggestion: Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

(3) Men, if given the choice, will reject the younger LESS good-looking women in favour of an attractive older women. Beauty is more important than youth and fertility.

(4) Twice as many men as women prefer bad sex to no sex.

(5) A woman looking for a sense of humour in a man is saying "Show me how socially skilled you are." When a woman laughs a lot, a man's instinct is: "She must think I'm great".

(6) Money overrides factor (5).

(7) Men with money and humour, he shall be King.

(8) Power overrides (5) and (6).

Don't despair if you haven't any money, looks or power. Try blogging. Most bloggers are single, and they are quite contented being single. And besides, blogging is free.

Sisuahlai.
Adapted from T.S.T.M.

AMENDMENT:
The word single seems to upset some readers. Let me re-write the last sentence:

Don't despair if you haven't any money, looks or power. Try blogging. Most bloggers are free, single and available, and they enjoy being single! Like most bloggers, blogging is also FREE!

22 Comments:

Anonymous Amelia said...

Can't wait to read the comments that are going to be posted by ur regular readers...hehehe
As for me...my lips are sealed. hehehe

February 16, 2006 9:35 AM  
Anonymous suituapui said...

Hear! Hear! U know women SO well, how come u're still single? Guess you have neither money nor power! I can imagine the comments u're gonna get, sure u "tiok cheng-ji" one (get bombed or scolded) by the "fairer" sex!

February 16, 2006 9:40 AM  
Blogger Jeremy C said...

oh no...sisuahlai!! you just spilled the beans for us poor single bloggers!!

February 16, 2006 9:48 AM  
Blogger Sisuahlai said...

Amelia: How come your lips suddenly sealed? A helpful hint: Hot water releases UHU glue seal.

Suituapui: I don't know women well. What I have written are scientific findings carried out by geeks. Your next question, how come I am still single? err, how should I answer your question hor...

jeremy c: Real one. Most bloggers are single. This is based on a survey. I don't chin-chai sia.

February 16, 2006 10:35 AM  
Blogger Wuching said...

u r indeed a guru not just on 'hokkien wah' but also on 'ja boh'...i've been married for so many years & still don't understand her!

February 16, 2006 12:54 PM  
Anonymous Amelia said...

TQ for the tip.
But, can't use hot water-lah!
Don't want to be known as "hot-lips". hehehe

JC was so "upset".
Said dat now we know he got no money, power & looks.

He's also looking for someone to put 'cheng-ji" in a gun & shoot him.

I told him to use his own "cheng-ji" from his own "gun"...hehehe

February 16, 2006 1:15 PM  
Blogger Jeremy C said...

amelia : aaarrrggghhh!!!! *pengsan*

February 16, 2006 2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe sisualai is still single because he's 'tiaw keh' (jual mahal)

February 16, 2006 2:18 PM  
Blogger See Fei said...

wahliao... so insightful!! my 2 cents worth - women r like credit cards... the more u ignore them the more interest they will generate

February 16, 2006 2:48 PM  
Blogger Sisuahlai said...

wuching: Oit. Don't call me guru. Call me tee-tze.

Amelia: Wah! Lu si beh hiaw. Free for coffee? That will melt your lip seal and makes your tongue HOT!

Jeremy: Deep breaths my friend.

anonymous: Not tiaw kei la. See SEI FEI entry.

See Fei: Your credit card analogy damn power man! So how much you owe the "bank" now?

February 16, 2006 3:08 PM  
Blogger FH2O said...

Aiyo! mana ay sai puah kang tow!

Loose translation of my lousy hokkien - "Hey! Don't spill the beans!"

February 16, 2006 5:58 PM  
Anonymous Vanquish said...

Dun play play. Sisuahlai si bei handsum one ah.He no need gun one...got cannon mah.Keke

February 16, 2006 6:08 PM  
Anonymous Amelia said...

Coffee with u? No problem...just tell me d place & time...;)

Besides, since Vanquish said "Sisuahlai si bei handsum one", I ve 2 chk u out-lah... hehehehe ;)

February 16, 2006 6:58 PM  
Blogger Sisuahlai said...

Let me sei moh and get haircut first. So more hand-sum.

So Amelia, what do you think is more important for Kuching girl?

MONEY
LOOKS
POWER
HUMOUR
ABILITY TO SPEAK HOKKIEN

which one ah?

February 16, 2006 7:15 PM  
Anonymous Amelia said...

Alamak! Can't jawab u-lah!
Gua not from Kch!

Gua si Uptown Gal...hehehe ;)

February 16, 2006 8:39 PM  
Blogger Jeremy C said...

hahaha...u two ah, very the funny wor :P

February 17, 2006 8:44 AM  
Anonymous suituapui said...

Wah! JC "ciak cho" u try 2 ur pick-up lines on Amelia!

February 17, 2006 9:21 AM  
Anonymous so_real said...

5 things 2do n not 2do on 1st dates.

_2do_

1. Make sure got money
2. Borrow car, bike or bicycle
if u hav2, no bus rides, if bus
full, ur date hav2 stand n
most probarly b fondeled by
others
3. cut nose hair n always check if
ur teeth got something stuck or
not.
4. choose nice place 2go,snooker
center n friends house is not
good idea
5. be confident, lie a bit, not
2much

__not 2do_

1. do not steal money 2 go on dates
2. do not borrow friends shirt n
pants, no batik
3. do not look 8her breasts,
seeing her naked in ur head,
vice versa
4. do not 4get her name
5. do not cry if she dont like u

February 18, 2006 11:30 AM  
Anonymous so_real said...

5 things 2do n not 2do in an interview

2do
1. get ur stuffs rite
2. look happy, its luck if u get
or not
3. make sure u 1 the job, not just
2do 4 3months, better sell ur
body, make more money in 3 mths
n stop, then get a job that u 1.
4. be cheerful, overacting u will
b bloody fool
5. ask ur intervieweres on their
experiences, jack up n puckers
their ass a bit

-not 2do-

1.do not bring ur parents or
whoever, this not talent show
2.do not be late, if late, say u
help catch snatch thieve just
now or help put out a fire in
some kampong, sure real 1
3.do not b so friendly wit people
eyeing 4 the same job, they don
owe u shit n don pay u money,
best men or women 4da job, wins.
4.do not b urself if u suck, only
u would hire urself
5.do not flirt with ur future
employers, sometimes it works if
u got big breasts n round butt,
but wat if u don hav? die..

February 18, 2006 12:04 PM  
Blogger Sisuahlai said...

so_real, nice one. Never had so much laugh. Pak to tia.

February 18, 2006 12:10 PM  
Anonymous so_real said...

5 things 2do or not 2do 2get the opossite sex attention

-2do-

1. do giv ur best smile, but don flair up ur nostrils, controlah a bit

2. do show ur inteligence, cheating n pickpocketing is not an option

3. do look mysterious, not gay or lesbo

4. be polite, atleast try 1/2 hour

5. be confidence n start talking, just 2b on the safe side, just hav ur bluetooth ear piece, if ur target bo layan, u pretend u on the phone


-not 2do-

1. do not try this when u drunk, only u find it funny

2. do not lie, just pretend a bit

3. do not say u their number 1 fan, u get chop phsycho, number 2 canlah

4. do not wear singlet n start waving 8 ur target if u havent shave u 3rd world jungle, the focus of attention will b won by ur armpits, not ur personality

5. do not try these on ang mo, thinking its easy in movies, buy drinks n get some, neeerrdttt,,,wrong, not ang mo , more chance 2fail also

February 20, 2006 11:48 PM  
Anonymous so_real said...

5 things 2do or not 2do 2get the opossite sex attention

-2do-

1. do giv ur best smile, but don flair up ur nostrils, controlah a bit

2. do show ur inteligence, cheating n pickpocketing is not an option

3. do look mysterious, not gay or lesbo

4. be polite, atleast try 1/2 hour

5. be confidence n start talking, just 2b on the safe side, just hav ur bluetooth ear piece, if ur target bo layan, u pretend u on the phone


-not 2do-

1. do not try this when u drunk, only u find it funny

2. do not lie, just pretend a bit

3. do not say u their number 1 fan, u get chop phsycho, number 2 canlah

4. do not wear singlet n start waving 8 ur target if u havent shave u 3rd world jungle, the focus of attention will b won by ur armpits, not ur personality

5. do not try these on ang mo, thinking its easy in movies, buy drinks n get some, neeerrdttt,,,wrong, not ang mo , more chance 2fail also

February 20, 2006 11:48 PM  

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