Bang-bangkok

SUAH-PA n. jungle

Bangkok city qualifies as a jungle; a concrete sort of jungle, where the cars and buses represent the thick foliage, the people represent the insects that feed on it, the intricate network of soi and thanon resemble the weaving roots. And me, a sua-pa khoo. A complete alien. Thankfully I have a guide...

I wanted to do Bangkok in one day. I missed the early morning bus to the city due to factors out of my control, namely the heavy slumber. So I had to make few last minute adjustments, it was now Bangkok in half a day.

I knew what I had to see first. The Emerald Buddha in Wat Phra Kaew. So we took the cab to the nearest Skytrain, On-Nut. No time for buses and tuk-tuks.

Arrived at Hua-Lamphong Skytrain station at 2pm. The Skytrain is definitely the best retreat from the deadly afternoon sun. If you had bought a fresh fish in the morning and left it in the Skytrain, and picked it up 12 hours later, you'll still have a fresh fish. It was that cold in the Skytrain carriage. Surely chilled by made-in-Malaysia air conditioners.

Ok, now at Hua-Lamphong. Flagged a cab. "Wat Phra Kaew," we commanded.

Our cab wormed its way sleekly through the city. When I say worm, I meant a worm high on amphetamines. Missed a few beggars, negotiated a few red lights, brushed against a tuk-tuk. Who needs a PlayStation when you can have this much fun!

Got to the Grand Palace/Wat Phra Kaew in one piece.

We were greeted by a plain-shirt Museum worker as soon as we stepped out of a cab. "Why so late?" he said.

Why so late? Do I look a like a school-kid who's late for class? For goodness sake, I was a tourist on holiday. I can be as late as I want, what's your problem? I wanted to provide a sarcastic reply but I was too stunned to even move my lips. (I was later told that they close the place at 4pm, luckily I kept my mouth shut.)

Wat Phra Kraew was one amazing place. I'll let the pictures do the talking.

The Golden Chedi and the Giant Guards (Indrajit) in Wat Phra Kaew.

The mural depicting the Ramayana. A story about the Giants versus the whole species of the Monkey world.

Full-time score: Monkeys 5 (Red Monkey 2, White Monkey 1, Green Monkey 1, Giant Own-goal 1) Giants 2 (10-arm Giant 2). Some monkeys didn't play the full 90 minutes.

YOU REALLY DON"T WANT TO MESS WITH THOSE MONKEYS.

Believers and their Offerings.

A glimpse of the Emerald Buddha. The most revered image of Buddha in Thailand.

The Grand Palace. The cremation ashes of previous Thai Kings are kept here.

It was difficult to sum up the atmosphere and the experience in Wat Phra Kaew. Suffice to say, you must visit this place when in Bangkok. I could not think of a Kuching equivalent.

Next entry: The Journey to Peninsula

Sawasdee krap

CHIAK HONG v.,n. the uncomplicated, quaint act of eating wind. BURP!
CHIAK-HONG v. the slightly more sophisticated act of booking an AirAsia flight out of town

This will be my second last holiday destination for the year 2006. Bangkok, Thailand.

This is not a de-stress exercise. This is not an escape. Kuching has offered me all the necessary sanctuary for life's detoxification. I am here for a nobler purpose. I am here to celebrate King Bhumipol's 60th anniversary of His accession to the Throne . I simply adore cultish King-worshipping activity. This is similar to my last act of voting BN into power, again. Well, at least I am loyal.

I will be wearing yellow on Mondays, just like all monarch-loving people here. If I am too lazy to do laundry, I might just continue wearing the same colour until the King's birthday in December. We'll see.

Well, if you are not so monarch-loving, you can still visit Bangkok solely for a glimpse of its truly majestic new international airport, Suvarnabhumi International Airport. I know, like copycats, we Kuching people have a new airport, they also want a new airport.

I think they would have preferred our local super-efficient construction company to take on this project, we have a new airport in one year and it took them 10 years to plan and build this one.

Tomorrow, I shall be getting up early to catch the morning bus to the centre of universe: Wat Phra Kaew. And if my budget master allows, I shall also be spending the night in one of the world's most luxurious hotel, The Peninsula.

Excited? Indeed I am.

On second thought, the money saved could buy me 40 Thai and foot massages. Hmm.. (pei tau).

Want to read more? Scratch here.

Sisuahlai says the Wiki on him a fiction

KHONGKEI n. lies

Wikipedia COPIES of Hikayat Sisuahlai – Sisuahlai: Putera London ke PetraJaya is being given out free at the Wikipedia general assembly, and it has been labelled as “fiction” by Sisuahlai who ISN'T the son-in-law of party president Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi.

“The central character in the book has the same name as me. The photograph on the cover strikingly resembles me. But the stories inside have nothing to do with me. It is full of lies,” said the Ang-Mo (nothing to do with UMNO, Sisuahlai has too much political apathy) Uni ex-student.

The single-page wiki entry is allegedly the English version of the Sisuahlai blog entries. I don't think so (picture me doing the waving hand in your face gesture). Sisuahlai said he wasn't aware that the English-only version of the Wiki-entry had been circulated for some time. So far no Malay wiki-entry.

“It is an attempt to smear my reputation. At the same time I feel flattered that someone is willing to spend so much time and money fantasising and speculating about what I do. This shows that someone is obsessed with me. I feel sorry for the writer because his life is so meaningless. The person must be so full of hatred and disillusionment to resort to this. If I meet the writer, I will counsel him. I will ask him to look at life from a more meaningful perspective, like reading about the heroic writings and autobiography of Frodo on Wikipedia” he said.

Asked about a chapter of the book which touched on the subject of Hokkipedia, Sisuahlai said he had explained many times that he had nothing to do with such linguistic task.

Some of the boh-su cho readers said the person behind it must have spent quite a bit, as the Wiki quality was just OK, can do better.

Tu Si A-Nay

From the archives of Sisuahsia.

TU SI A-NAY phr. adj. (phrase) "just like that, what to do?"

I apologise, I have actually been teaching you really useless words and phrases so far. Let me make it up.

Today, I promise, is going to be a very useful phrase. It gets you out of trouble in the Hokkien-speaking world. And in some cases, it can also give an impression that you really care about the things they say.

The magical words are TU SI A-NAY. Individually, these words are quite meaningless, but combine them together.... wah seh, the effect is damn CHIAK LAT! (see previous entry, you see like American English, words with negative connotation can mean the exact opposite, like BAD is actually GOOD!)

Together these words mean JUST LIKE THAT, WHAT TO DO? This phrase saves you from having to explain bad decisions. Don't believe? See the following usage:

SCENARIO 1:

You are entrusted to bring the dry laundry in, but you forgot because you were too busy reading Kennysia.com or if you are male, busy oogling at xiaxue.blogspot.com. And then it started raining. Die, chiak lat! (now chiat lak actually means BAD, don't confuse ok.)

Mother: Ado. I told you to bring the clothes inside. Why you like that! So useless.

You: (you feel guilty, but you need to maintain eye contact when you say this) Mother, TU SI A-NAY lo.

Mother: Haiz. Useless. (Mother walked away, gave up.)

See, you have successfully avoided a lenghty, unnecessary argument with your mother. What you did there was agreeing with mother by saying the magical words. BTW, lo is a necessary suffix to give the phrase a rhythmic punch.


SCENARIO 2:

Teacher: You still haven't finished your homework? What is wrong with you?

You: TU SI A-NAY lo.

Teacher: I will report you.

You: (stay silent. The phrase is so powerful, you only need to say Tu Si A-Nay once.)

Teacher: I give up.

Saved again by the phrase! No need lenghty reasoning with your teachers. And you eventually still passed your SPM exams anyway...


SCENARIO 3: (this one needs practice, advanced level usage)

Aunty: Cham si! I send him to tuition, pay so much money, still he cannot get the grades.

You: What subject? (show a bit of emotion once in awhile)

Aunty: Bahasa. Gone case. Everyone in his class seems to do so much better.

You:(look into her eyes like you care) Aunty, TU SI A-NAY lo.

Now make your exit. See? You showed Aunty that you have the capacity to listen and by saying the magical phrase, you can exit the conversation leaving her feeling that you really shared her child's problem.

I hope I have taught you an important phrase today. Join me for more tomorrow.

Gwen, thank you for your suggestion. Girl, you si beh hiaw...(play-play, don't MAI-KU me ok?)

Sisuahlai.