Rain

LOK HO v.,n. raining

Once in a while, a blog reader would come along and inspire a blog entry...

She sent this e-mail attachment:

Prayed, and now in prolonged drought.... God must be listening.

help win my bet (helpwinmybet.com)

BO KANG TAU v.,n.,v. no business

This is the latest viral craze in London... this URL (see title) is generating hits faster than the time it takes for you to say "BO KANG TAU!"

Read Dan's plea:

"So, here’s the story… I said to my girlfriend that any stupid website could get tons of hits, simply because people are bored all the time. She said that I was an idiot and couldn’t make a website that could get tons of hits if I wanted to. After a long argument (mostly centered around the fact that she called me an idiot) we made a bet.

If I could not make a website to get 2,000,000 hits, I would agree that I was an idiot; however, if I could make a website to get 2,000,000 hits, she would have a menage a trois (that’s a threesome to you non french-speakers) with me and another girl. I thought she was kidding at the time, but then she said she was so sure of herself, that she would even put it in writing. This of course is an ultra-binding contract."

To Sisuahlai readers, good luck, you'll be lucky if you get to view his site.... jammed from too much traffic!


viral n. (from Wikipedia.org)
Short for 'viral marketing'. Viral marketing is sometimes used to describe some sorts of Internet-based stealth marketing campaigns, including the use of blogs, seemingly amateur web sites, and other forms of astroturfing to create word of mouth for a new product or service. Often the ultimate goal of viral marketing campaigns is to generate media coverage via "offbeat" stories worth many times more than the campaigning company's advertising budget.

Proton overhaul

HAW LIAN adj. smug

Proton Holdings Bhd managing director Syed Zainal Abidin Syed Mohamed Tahir said that the company will undergo a total overhaul in the way it runs its business. He said it must do this to increase sales and make the company more competitive. Erm, weren't you trying to to do this before?

He went one step further and published his MUST-DO list:


I always thought a MUST-DO list should always consist of practical goals, but somehow I think "BUILD CARS THAT PEOPLE WANT" and "GET FEEDBACK FROM CUSTOMERS" are an idealistic, impractical combination...

Why? Cos I want this designer car...


Proton MD, the ball is now in your court.

Nau

NAU n. brain

Computer down, internet down, energy down, and nau luan-luan.

Back soon.

Destination Maldives

ENG-ENG adj. leisurely

I was at a bookstore, Waterstone, this afternoon. As usual, I went for the books at the non-fiction section. Why waste time on peoples' imaginary writings. Picked this popular book and start flicking through the pages...

There are indeed some places I need to see before I die. I have now lived half of my projected life-span and I have not seen anything worth "blogging" about. One of the places featured was Maldives.

Now, the pictures printed on these pages might be professionally taken and edited, but Maldives, my goodness... it looks like paradise on earth. Of course, Kuching is paradise HQ, but Maldives... just look at this... how can you resist...

I held a two minutes conference with my budget manager and decided: yup, we are going to Maldives.

When? As soon as humanly possible.

So we went home, did a quick internet search. Lastminute.com is a good place to start. After 2 long search minutes, we found ourselves a nice deal.

I could not press the BUY NOW button any faster. We are going on 21 May! And I haven't even informed my boss.

Maldives, here we come. This is going to be the longest 4 weeks wait...

And Francis, this place is allegedly the TOP 3 places in the world for dolphin and whale watching. I believe Santubong is still No. 1. Do you agree?

Who says impulse holiday shopping is bad for the heart?

EXTRA bo su cho-ness:

Sis, I followed your instructions, but seriously, these lek tau suan taste nothing like the ones at home... is it because I didn't have rock sugar? I didn't even dare to take the picture with the flash on, scared of being criticised.

I didn't sisuahlai this time. In fact, I was ho-ho lai. Still...

Bin ang ang

ANG adj. red

Malaysia Command Centre, Putra Jaya, issued this statement: Get rid of red tape.

Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, who recently praised one Sarawakian contractor for a job well done, said that any bureaucratic procedure or regulation that gives rise to obstacles and delaying the implementation of projects under the Ninth Malaysia Plan must be done away with. Yup, you heard it, GET RID OF RED TAPE.

It slows people down. We want to get straight to the point. Straight to the money shot. Now, civil servants, can you please simplify things and get rid of red tape... as much as possible.

Play this video when you are at home... don't say I didn't warn. This video has nothing to do with this red tape blogging entry. Really.

Watch Video Clip

Pirate Deeweedee

LIAK v. to catch, to apprehend

Read today's The Star Online to amuse yourself. A building, a shopping complex to be precise, is being sued!

The Recording Industry Association of Malaysia (RIM) has filed a suit against a shopping complex for allegedly renting its premises to VCD pirates.

The Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs Ministry said it was the first time that such an action had been taken against a shopping complex in the country. YEAH, you bet!

In Putrajaya, the ministry stopped an attempt to export 8,000 pieces of pirated DVDs, including latest box office hits such as Basic Instinct 2, Ice Age 2 and V for Vendetta, to Johannesburg, South Africa.

Sisuahlai.

From a stamp to RM5000 charity fund: We are looking to do a swap for a kayaking experience (value: RM125+). We want your help. Mail me at sisuahlai@googlemail.com for your swap.

Let's start swapping

GO-CHENG n. 5000

Ok, let's get started.

I am going to swap my 1869 James Brooke stamp (value: approx. RM120-RM180, check this Kuching auction site) for YOUR ITEM.

Right, once we achieved our target RM5000, we will give it away to medical charity bodies.

Email me at sisuahlai@googlemail.com for your swap.

Update 4pm Malaysian Time 19 April:

Sisuahlai has successfully swapped the James Brooke stamp for:

A "Personalised Irraaddy Dolphin Watching Trip with FH2o"

Thanks for the swap Francis.

Now Sisuahlai is looking for the next generous person for this kayaking experience swap.

Will you be the next person to swap?

Let's Do Something Good for Sarawak

SEEM n. heart, soul

Let's do something good for the People. Laughters alone won't feed the needy. Have you heard about the guy who swapped a red paperclip for a house? Completely pointless, but he succeeded nonetheless.

Let's do something similar among us- bloggers and blog-readers in Sarawak, Malaysia and All Over The World.

Let's nominate an association/charity body that we could help, or rather need our help. Then we will all chip in, by doing swaps among us, until a target sum of RM5000 is achieved. Can?

Are you in?

Who shall we help?

Sisuahlai.

EXTRA:

An ex-schoolmate sent this attachment. I cannot stop laughing and I am talking about a good 16 hours later...

A very special thank you to Wolfgang and Brigitte from Munich for this picture.


Hmm, did you just say that the manggis come from the Sarawak Hornbill? Yes, it makes perfect sense.

Look Before You Ride

BO FORM adv.,n. out of form, losing streak

Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi is in Kuching!

He says he is determined to ensure the success of of the Ninth Malaysia Plan- yup, 9MP - the popular electioneering term.

The Prime Minister described this as his way of “walking the talk.”

He said many had asked him to “walk the talk” after the strong mandate given to the Barisan in the last general election.

"Walk the talk"? What is that? Sisuahlai says ride bicycle more faster. And don't use the bike if you don't commit. Eksiden afterward.

Look On the Other Side

BEI TAHAN adv.,adj. "cannot stand"

The Star reports: Thumbs up for Kuching airport

Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi seemed impressed when he walked into the newly upgraded RM620mil Kuching International Airport. Who wouldn't be? Give a job to a top Sarawakian contractor, the work will get done on schedule.

Tan Sri Ting Pek Khiing’s Global Upline Sdn Bhd managed to complete the renovation job 15 months ahead of schedule.

After congratulating Ting, whom he said was at the project site at 6am on most days, Abdullah got down to business, emphasising the importance of quality and maintenance.

“While I congratulate the contractor and the state government on the speedy completion, I hope quality was not compromised in the process. I hope the new structure will tahan lama (endure),” he said.

TAHAN LAMA? Is that part of the contract?

Sisuahlai wonders if there is no sapu-sapu under the carpet...

Of course not.

Sisuahlai Bei Su Lang

BEI SU LANG adj.,v.,n. "never lose to anyone"
SIAN adv. bored

Being bored apparently has a useful biological function according to some boredom researchers. It serves to re-invigorate the mind and prepares the body for work. So next time, when you stay at home and all your mates are out partying, think to yourself, at least I won't be tired when I return to work tomorrow.

Ok, this is a lame excuse for not going out.

I am going to Scotland later this month, to meet a good friend. An ex-Londoner. Another friend and his wife proposed this trip, but this time I did not have a good excuse to decline. I cannot be working every weekend of the month, and besides I need a break. A break away from London.

We shall we travelling up north by sleepers train, as I cannot see myself engaging in lively conversation for five long hours. That means we will miss most of the beautiful country-side views, especially Durham. For every up-side in life, there is a down-side. And not seeing Durham in daylight is one of the them.

Ok, sorry for this personal rambling. My blog entries are pathetically short, maybe with some filler writing like the one above, your visit here on this blog will be slightly longer than the average 26 seconds.

Now, here is a Sisuahlai material for today... feel free to wet yourself laughing. Or crying. Whichever one comes first.

Sisuahlai speaks with his son.
Sisuahlai: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "No - I will choose my own bride!"
Sisuahlai: "But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case... OK!"
Sisuahlai: SOOI!

Next, Sisuahlai approaches Bill Gates.
Sisuahlai: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Sisuahlai: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case... OK!"
Sisuahlai: SOOI!

Finally, Sisuahlai goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Sisuahlai: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!"
Sisuahlai: "But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case... OK!"
Sisuahlai: SOOI!


SISUAHLAI SAYS BO TAICHI. WHERE THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY.

EXTRA:

She ain't heavy. She's my wife....

1869 James Brooke Stamp... how much?

KO-SU n. story

I'd like to share an interesting story. I was once a stamp collector. This hobby dates back long before puberty. When I was in Primary 3, I swapped a Panini WWF sticker for a stamp! Yes, a Panini sticker.

I did not know much about the value of stamps, my aim was simple, I just needed to collect stamps I didn't already have. So when someone showed me a James Brooke stamp, I said ok. The boy collected Panini stickers like any Primary school-kids then.

It didn't take much persuasion, he agreed to barter away this stamp.

It just hit me that I have just acquired a rare stamp when I showed my collection to a friend.

He valued the stamp at RM200. I don't believe. Can someone verify its current value?

Just my three cents. Sisuahlai.

Sio

SIO v. to think

In today's Star Online: Pak Lah: Women best people to groom consumers

Women are the best people to groom wise consumers, says Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi. Si meh?

“What better way is there to educate consumers than through mothers and wives? They can influence the family to spend wisely,” the Prime Minister said. Like that, hia?

He added that women could also tell their friends and relatives to avoid places where the goods were overpriced. I see.

Abdullah, who was speaking at the launch of the Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs Ministry’s Smart Consumer campaign yesterday, paid tribute to women, saying if they were prepared for the task of being smart consumers, they would most likely achieve it. Hmm.

Ok, Sisuahlai really respects Malaysian leaders, but sometimes he disagrees with them. Let's sio and ponder on what the Malaysian PM just said.

Women offer the best consumer advice? Really?

I say men are better. Why?

Because men buy only when it is absolutely necessary. Men are born with the hunter-gatherer gene that was so useful back in Stone-Age days, and they tend to home in on exactly what they want and go in for the kill.

And men don't shop in groups and they don't get distracted.

And men spend less time choosing, so more time is spent working and looking for extra income, or playing pool.

For good sensible shopping advice, ask any men. You may not buy the cheapest item, but in the long run, you will buy less and save more money.

Pak Lah, let's agree to disagree on this one. SISUAHLAI.

Challenge completed

LIAU adj. done!

I have completed the challenge of posting an entry for every 24 hours on this blog for three consecutive months. Time to move on to other life challenges, and achieving other highs... in reverse order:

10. A baby in a carriage
9. Receiving a standing ovation
8. Swimming nude in a secluded mountain lake (don't do this in Malaysia, indecency charges!)
7. A girl thinking you're cute
6. Four double espressos within one hour (do this soon, before the authority decide to enlist concentrated caffeine as Class A drug)
5. Helping society free of charge, everyday
4. Spiritual enlightenment
3. Going to the bathroom when you really, really have to go
2. Oxygen deprivation (disclaimer: do not attempt this unless you're in a controlled, supervised environment, around medically-trained personnel. If not, don't try this. You are not that foolish. Really.)
1. Being noticed by a celebrity

SISUAHLAI. goodbye.

Let's move on.

EXTRA:

When your printer cartridge runs out of ink...

Kei-kiang

KEI-KIANG adj. "acting clever"

We have all committed the sins of kei-kiang. Just pick up any work CV. Mine is 96% lies, and 4% facts. It's pretty difficult to lie about your gender and ethnicity.

Sometimes in our hurried effort to impress, we give away minor but clear clues of our sheer stupidity. Just look at these real-life examples of CV bloopers..

"I am very detail-oreinted."

"Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel."

"Special skills: Thyping."

"I can play well with others."

"Special skills: I've got a Ph.D. in human feelings." **the most kei-kiang statement so far

"Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."

"My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984."

"Personal Qualities: Outstanding worker; flexible 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year."

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

"My salary requirement is $34 per year."

"I am superior to anyone else you could hire."


Now, don't make those mistakes. And think hard, before you knock on the doors of work opportunity...

Piang

PIANG v. slap

Sisuahlai read this article and really wept for the school-teacher: The STAR ONLINE Form Four boy slaps teacher

Let me dissect this article:

ALOR STAR: A Form Four boy walked up to a teacher and slapped her before more than 500 students at a secondary school in Pendang, about 35km from here. Wow, the shameful incident happened in front of a school-assembly size audience. We won't be short of witnesses come court day.

Two male teachers quickly rushed to pull the 16-year-old boy away and took him to the senior assistant’s office after the 8am incident at SMK Tokai yesterday. This would never happen in my former secondary school. If it did, 500 students would immediately rush to the rescue, pull the clown away, then tie him to the goalpost, and if not for the effective Malaysian law, we might have stoned him to death also.

The teacher, in her 30s, suffered bruises on her face.

She had earlier reprimanded the boy over a disciplinary problem.

Pendang district police chief Deputy Supt Nordin Manan said the incident occurred during the school assembly. School assembly? Yup, figured that one out already.

The boy had been handed over to the police for questioning. You mean "questioning".

DSP Nordin said the boy had some disciplinary problem and had been reprimanded by teachers on numerous occasions. I won't say some disciplinary problem. This is SERIOUS disciplinary problem. Might amount to a mental health disturbance. But for the purpose of the court sentence, he is sane enough to receive the maximum punishment.

He said the teacher has lodged a police report. Naturally. Why do Star journalists always repeat themselves?


SISUAHLAI.

State censorship

JENG HU n. government

In typical Singaporean Government style, Singaporean bloggers are now censored from discussing political issues and advertising party politics in the run-up to the country parliamentary election, unless they register their internet sites for state monitoring. If you fail to understand the logic of registering blog-sites for this purpose, don't worry, you are not alone.

This is a perfect recipe for creating a society that is bland, sterile and brain-dead with political apathy.

Bland like chips... anyone?

I guess there is nothing wrong about being bland. It's like growing up in a strict, traditional Asian family household. Other variation of thoughts and morals are frown upon because these are untested and unproven (unlike a popular Singaporean political party, see its website tagline), therefore we must not try anything new. I wonder if we ever gonna find a pioneering Singaporean figure in anything these days...

Time to put on our thinking hats and don't fall into the same trap, my fellow Malaysians.

N.B. Helen, I guess long piak is a suitable expression for this kind of censorship. It is suffocating, hopeless and patronising.

Kah Cheng

KAH CHENG n. bum (pronounced ka-czerng)

Public display of passionate emotion is now regarded as unMalaysian and punishable by law with some recent High Court ruling. A Chinese couple have been charged for breach of Malaysian morality laws. The couple will return to court in June to face indecency charges, and if convicted may face a year in jail! That is the price for public hugging and kissing.

The court has effectively introduced a slippery slope debate. If public displays of affection are not allowed, then we must also ban:

(1) Cinemas (public place) that show movies with couple hugging and smooching (affection)
(2) Victory hug (affection) in mixed sex sporting event (public place)
(3) Some aunty picking up baby from the pram (in public area) and planting a kiss on the baby's cheek (affection)
(4) Ban all adverts (public domain) that show couples looking at each other in a seductive way (sexual affection)

Where do we draw the moral line? Are we a confused nation or what...

Thank you for the Easter break. Sisuahlai needs one after reading this news.

Day of Mourning

Another tragic day. A member of staff was brutally murdered at work.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/4883842.stm

Lau-tiu

LAU-TIU adj. funny

Read 'em and weep on The Star: Why girl made up story of abduction

"The Form Five girl who staged her own abduction made up the story because she was afraid her parents would scold her for spending two days with her boyfriend without their permission."

I don't believe this "abduction" was inspired by this movie...

...but more like a scene from this...

Sisuahlai says "Love is strong. But stupidity is stronger".

Pi

PI adj. cheap (pronounced pee)

Blogging started out as a medium for web-users to publish their thoughts on the net and to get readers to respond with comments. It has evolved very quickly into a medium of self-publicising. For a very good example, check out this one...


http://jes2sexy.textamerica.com/

Hardly any thought-provoking opinions, just pictures of a minimally covered body. And this particular American blogger generated such a craze, among spotty teens.

Sisuahlai. Not a teen, but crazy nonetheless.

Yes R., the direct translation for cheap thrill is SONG PI-PI.

Kim-siew

KIM-SIEW n. animal

The Star reports: Artiste caught for alleged adultery with lecturer’s wife.

A Malaysian artiste was caught for alleged adultery with a lecturer's wife at the latter's apartment in Seri Kembangan on Saturday.

The Star claims that the artiste, in his 30s, who had acted in numerous local television series, was caught naked in the bedroom with the woman when the lecturer broke into the room with the help of three policemen.

It takes not one, not two, but three Malaysian policemen to break into a room! What happen to the traditional method of getting into room like using the key... this act usually requires one person.

The lecturer was said to have lodged a police report earlier after suspecting his wife of having an illicit affair, an offence under the syariah law.

Now please tell me, if a man suspects his wife of having an illicit affair, shouldn't he question his relationship with the wife and approach it in an adult, mature manner? And if the differences are not reconcilable, then file for divorce. Why should anyone involve the police and the Malaysian press?



Sisuahlai. Suapalai.

16 weeks away...

I am 16 weeks away from my long overdue break. Last week turned out to be a very difficult week for many reasons. A consultant at work was murdered, plus having to deal with various other not-so-nice cases. Maybe my entries (or lack of it) reflect this sombre mood.

Return of Sisuahlai

LOOD v. (vulgar) to hit, to screw, synonym: kahn

A Kuching doctor and a KL lawyer were chatting at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated Kuching doctor asked the KL lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer," and then I send them a bill."

"Really lood them hard!" he added.

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.


Sisuahlai says... lood responsibly.

EXTRA:

All time most hilarious movie poster...

ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK...

N.B. Sisuahlai just sold his 50th merchandise to E. More items to be included in Sisuahlai Shop.

Ha-mik (the answer)

What faces?? :)

GLOSSARY
ha-mik (hokkien) - what