Plagiarism

TAU v. to steal (as in Taoism)
ALANG-ALANG adj. (Nonya Hokkien) half-hearted effort

Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery. Well, not unless someone stole your picture and earned RM50 from it.

A popular Malaysian blogger, Kenny Sia, vented his tu lahn-ness (displeasure) after a Vivien Chew was credited for "taking" the road-sign picture. The picture (see below), minus the ubiquitous kennysia.com watermark, was mailed to The Star, and this sly effort pocketed her a handsome RM50. Doubly ouch for Kenny.

We all knew it was a kennysia.com picture, but we thought Vivien Chew was Kenny Sia's evening pseudonym when the picture came out in The Star. But clearly, it wasn't. Someone actually stole his picture. Sisuahlai shares his tu lahn-ness.

How should we, bloggers, prevent this form of thieving?

Sisuahlai suggests a truly watertight watermark! Not an alang-alang watermark.

Not like this...

Like this...

Problem solved. Sisuahlai.

Footnote:

To one mailer, Kenny Sia did not plagiarise Sisuahlai when he published this...

Kenny's 25 February blog entry... Sisuahlai's 15 February blog entry...

It was a variation of a popular dictionary-style theme. Besides the content was completely different.

Si Kui Kia

SI adj. dead
KUI n. ghost
KIA n. kid
from the archives

Another vulgar phrase. So you know. Another example of superexaggeration Hokkien phrase which means "you bastard!".

Isn't ghost by definition a dead entity? Or am I stoo-piad to assume that?

Examples of usage:
(1) Pedestrian to driver, "Oi! How dare you go-stan without looking! Want to kill me ah? Si kui kia!"

(2) "Si kui ta-pui kia! I don't need this on a Monday morning!" (politically incorrect, use with care)



Sisuahlai.

Kau

KAU n. monkey (as in Macau)

The Star continues to amuse Sisuahlai with story like this: Monkeys attack masters.

Two monkeys, from two different areas, reared to pluck coconuts, went mental and attacked their masters after being instructed to do some coconut-plucking work.

"The monkey-attack victims were admitted to Alor Star Hospital. Both requiring stitches to the hands."

Now who's the kau?

Coincidence or planned? You decide.

Monkey 1: How much are you getting paid for one coconut?
Monkey 2: That si kui kia! Paid? More like slavery.
Monkey 1: Same here. How shall we revolt?
Monkey 2: Let's launch simultaneous monkey-attack half way through our plucking work.
Monkey 1: We'll be in deeper trouble.
Monkey 2: No. After the attack, let's make a dash into the forest.
Monkey 1: What?
Monkey 2: Let's rendezvous at coordinate 4 G.
Monkey 1: Ok. Let's hope we don't meet Bigfoot.
Monkey 2: Come on! You are a monkey, not the Malaysian Press. You don't believe in Bigfoot, do you?

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Sisuahlai.

You cannot be SERIOUS!

MAI SU LANG adj.,v.,n. (softer variant of kiasu) afraid of losing, do not want to concede defeat. pronouciation: MAI as in my, SU as in sue, LANG as in lung.

I cannot believe this! Johore State Forestry Department (SFD) also want to tan chiak (profit) from the Bigfoot hype. RM5 for an entry permit into the Johore's forest reserves under the pretext of bigfoot search! Read The Star: Only RM5 to join Bigfoot search.

Now Sisuahlai has some questions for SFD :-

(1) Is RM5 the standard charge for entering your forest? Say for recreational reason, i.e. not really interested in searching for Bigfoot as it is a mythical creature.

(2) Do you also charge RM5 for Toyol search in your forest? Shouldn't it be cheaper, as Toyol is a smaller creature and more difficult to find?

(3) If we caught Bigfoot alive, do we get our RM5 back?

(4) If someone shot Bigfoot, and accidentally killed it, would RM5 confer that person any immunity from prosecution if it turned out that it was indeed a human in a bigfoot suit?

(5) Does RM5 cover for medical expenses in the event of an unprovoked Bigfoot attack?

Sisuahlai. The Only Obsessive Non-believing Bigfoot Blogger.

Next tan chiak activity (or as someone puts it, pian chiak activity): RM5 for a diving search for Sarawak's Bujang Senang. Any takers?

Engineer Proposes to Girlfriend in Cinema

TUA-TA adj. brave

In The Star today: Engineer proposes to girlfriend in cinema:-

The movie had ended and the credits were rolling when this message suddenly flashed across the big screen: “Sophia dear, I love you so much. Will you marry me? Kok Wei.”

Arhh. Congratulations to Kuching lass, Sophia S. on her recent engagement. Your boyfriend has definitely set a benchmark for the MOST ROMANTIC ENDING TO A MOVIE. He is now admired and loathed in equal proportion by guys all over Malaysia. How can we compete with that? But Sisuahlai applauds such romantic gesture.

By the way, how come suddenly there was a STAR reporter lurking around in cineplex waiting for this to happen? Sisuahlai also applauds this unexpected scoop.

To other tua-ta Malaysian men:-

There is cinema, there is hope. Sisuahlai.

Want more help from Sisuahlai? Aim your mouse here.

PM accepts NST apology

SOLI adj. sorry

Malaysian Prime Minister has accepted the New Straits Times' apology for publishing a controversial Wiley Miller's Non Sequitur cartoon on Feb 20. The PM who is also the Internal Security Minister, said no action would be taken against the newspaper as it had unreservedly apologised on its frontpage.

If you unwittingly publish (or knowingly did it more than once, ahem NST) a controversial cartoon or article in your newspaper (or on your website, or TV broadcast), you can squirm your way out of trouble if you:-

(a) unreservedly apologise on the frontpage (or broadcast a 24-hour apology TV telethon if you are a TV station)
(b) do not carry other articles alongside the apology (or no advertisement time on TV)

and also:-

(c) the apology must not be hidden in a single column
(d) (under no circumstances) MUST YOU PUBLISH THE DANISH CARICATURES
(e) and the Internal Security Minister decision is FINAL
N.B. actions (a)-(d) do not guarantee forgiveness if (e) is not hua hee.

And please don't add salt to wound by printing a huge OBITUARY announcing your apology and demise. Ahem, Sarawak Tr...

Your turn to apologise... ahem, RTM...

Respecting the PM & the People. Sisuahlai.

Su Looi

SU v. lose
LOOI n. money

In The Star today: MAS loses RM1bil. Sisuahlai is a frequent MAS airline-user. This is a personal plea to the Managing Director.

Dear Mr Idris J. (MAS Managing Director),

I know 2005 is not a good year. I know losing RM 1.2 billion is a big deal. But please, in your pursuit to turn MAS fortune around in 2006:

DO NOT:-

(1) Increase my air fare

(2) Make cutbacks on freebies (yes, playing cards and free cokes are important for customer satisfaction)

(3) Bring back retired air hostesses

BUT YOU CAN:-

(1) Cut unprofitable routes (seriously, nobody goes to Hat Yai with MAS)

(2) Abolish the GOLDEN LOUNGE (I never use it, heard one complaint that your air-conditioning is far too cold!)

(3) And train your PILOTS in local universities, cheaply...




Yours sincerely,
Sisuahlai.

Toyol Making a Comeback

KUI n. ghost, supernatural being, bastard (as in si kui kia)

warning: PLEASE DO NOT SEND SINGAPOREAN NANYANG POLYTECHNIC CHEERLEADER SEX VIDEO TO MY MAILBOX. UNDERAGED PORN IS ILLEGAL.

Sisuahlai's take on The Star: Toyol drawing them in

With the recent surge in coverage and interest in paranormal activity in Malaysia, another mythical creature is making a comeback. Enter the super-kiasu Toyol.

Often desribed as mischievous pint-sized goblins (yes, even more midgeter than the the Middle-Earth goblins), they are released by its conjuror to steal and cause social havoc. This creature is often sighted in kampungs.

In big cities, they are treated as aborted foetus and are normally handed over to a midwife or a gynaecologist, hence the relative rare sightings of Toyol in big cosmopolitan city such as Kuching.

A bottle of onion-pickled Toyol was found by a fisherman in the semi-cosmopolitan city of Pekan. Instead of handing it to a medical personnel for further examination, the creature was given to a museum.

Like that how to find out its true species? The Legend therefore continues... sigh.





Sisuahlai.

Bo Tan Chiak

BO adv. no
TAN v. earn
CHIAK v., n. eat, a living

Tan chiak means to earn a living in Hokkien, usually the hard way. Like some people who benefit from the Big Foot story i.e. The Star, NST and that bio-diversity scientist guy.



Everyone wants to tan chiak, even Bigfoot himself...



Official Bigfoot Blogger. Sisuahlai (wants to tan chiak also).

Bigfoot found!

KOCHEK n. (Hokkien nonya) pocket

Sisuahlai found something hairy in his pocket, not one. But two! (not those Amelia!)

Sisuahlai. RM10,000 for two, anyone?

Or is this the real Big Foot? I'm so confused. Big, bold and unashamedly
hairy. Fits the criteria, lei.

More on Malaysian Big Foot

Now it's NST turn for the Sisuahlai Treatment: Creature prefers cool spot

After hours of painstakingly pieced together evidence, a local bio-diversity scientist concluded: The Big Foot Prefers Cool Spot!

Quite an earth-shaking discovery (this pun IS intended!). Ok.

Sisuahlai wants to form his own conclusions too on the Big Foot phenomenon, based on hours of Discovery Channel watching:

Big Foot:

(1) Has travelled from North America to Peninsular Malaysia, most probably on a leisure cruise disguised as a ship captain

(2) Finds Malaysian weather better, more suited for the hairy costume

(3) Believes Malaysian Press is more susceptible to hoaxes

(4) Finds Malaysian cangkul very effective in uprooting trees

Nice papier mache work.

Sisuahlai is not a myth. I think.

Malaysian Big Foot

TUA KA adj.,n. big foot

Sisuahlai's take on The Star: Researcher finds "Big Foot" trail

Big foot in Hokkien, tua ka, actually means a big player. Like a big, influential player in a multi-million transaction. Or an important person making an, erm, important decision.

So when some Malaysian researcher found a suspected Yeti trail, purely on the grounds that some heavy plants got uprooted, I just ponder...

DID A KUCHING BIG FOOT DO THIS?


YES, probably some tua ka contractor.

Sisuahlai.

Traffic Jam in Cosmopolitan Kuching

JEM n. jam

Good town planning and good driving manners are essential to a successful cosmopolitan life. This orderly arrangement of cars in Kuching illustrates such success.

(read their thoughts)


Sisuahlai.

Lazy students kena scolded!

MEI v. scolded

Sisuahlai's take on The Star: PM laments Malaysians’ lack of focus and effort

Kong pun boyong! (That is Hokkien meaning "Beyong hopelessness! Saying it won't make any difference!" or in Malay "cakap also tak guna!"). Maybe that was what the Malaysian Prime Minister felt when he addressed a group of students in Western Australia. But he is the PM, he needs to say something.

He said,"If we are not men of quality, don’t hope to get anywhere. If you find your lessons too hard, try harder.”

He went on,"We must have good character, values, honesty, integrity and accountability. If you are clever, but a liar and a cheat, there’s no point."

Ok, let me decipher what he was trying to say:-

(1) No quality, no hope.

(2) If a task is hard, try harder. Still harder, try even harderest. If even harderest, try again, even more harderestest. If you don't, don't return home. (last sentence, I add one)

(3) If you are clever, then you must not be cunning and bluff your way to easy success. In other words, don't be so clever.

Now, my advice to Malaysian Students overseas: STAY FOCUSED, BUT DON'T LET THE PRESSURE OF EXPECTATION GETS TO YOU!


Life is not easy. Don't make it harder. Sisuahlai.

Sisuahlai's Day Off

PANG KANG n. day off

This is a myth. Sisuahlai does not have a day off work.

This is him working at home.


This is him pouring all his energy reading a Men's magazine.


This is him feeling hungry and hunting for food.



Definitely blogaholic. Sisuahlai.

Peace Hill Stats

MATA n. police

Malaysia's most favourite Police Department, Bukit Aman, released their TOP 4 PARTY DRUGS:


How about ALCOHOL AND SALTY PEANUTS? I thought that was No.1.


Sisuahlai SAYS NO TO DRUGS. Already healthy.

Next stat: TOP 4 CRIMINALLY-ANNOYING PARTY MUSIC.

Pey

PEY n. illness

Sisuahlai's take on The Star: Health Ministry on bird flu sweep in Genting Klang

The spread of a H5N1 strain of bird flu in the past two years has sparked fears of a new pandemic. No serng-serng matters.

Although more than 150 people have contracted the H5N1 virus, experts point out that cross-infection to humans is still relatively rare.

This usually occurs where people have been in close contact with infected birds. So to all chiaw-lovers (birdlovers, are you one Amelia?), make sure your birds are bought from a properly licensed premise and from a trusted vendor.

Better be safe than sorry. Kuching appears ok so far. Now look at the impact of bird flu in France.



T-shirt anyone? Sisuahlai.

Tua-Liap

TUA-LIAP adj., n. "big shot"

My suspicion is FINALLY confirmed! The STAR is actually in ABDULLAH's team.


I see. Sisuahlai.

P/s Like that, I say Sarawak Tabloid is in SISUAHLAI's team.

Sisuahlai's T-shirt

TEE-SIRD n. T-shirt

I have 2 "small" SISUAHLAI lady T-shirts. Sisuahlai is keeping one. And the other one, I am auctioning it on Ebay.co.uk. Cheap cheap. Starting price at £0.99. Might start auctioning the shirt in March.

front (enlarge)
back (enlarge)

Bo lang ai bey. Sisuahlai.

P/s Will start auctioning early if enough interest. Otherwise, I just use it as my pajama. The front of the T-shirt reads: SISUAHLAI n. "simply how" Kuching blogger

Hin-Hin

HIN-HIN adj. dizzy, pening-pening (malay)

Under-slept for the last 7 days. I set my alarm on my mobile phone (handphone or cellular or whichever lingo suits you). And went to bed.

It went off 4 hours later (yes, only 4 hours sleep). Still tired, and in a hin-hin state, I picked my phone up and put it against my ear.

"Hello? Hello?"

Suffice to say nobody answered.

Rubbed my eyes and walked to the kitchen. My wife was preparing dinner. I followed the trail of this lovely smell. I must be really hungry.

I looked closely. Hang on. This is not my wife.


Am I in the wrong house? Why is she half naked?

Sisuahlai. Still hin-hin.



Must focus. Ssh.

Kuching: The Official Olympic City of 2008

CHO-BANG v. dream (cho v. make, bang n. vision, web)

You woke up one morning and read this in your local newspaper, Kuching City has dramatically beaten four rival cities to win the right to stage the Olympic Games in 2008.

Well, almost. We came close.

China submitted these proposals:





Kuching submitted this:



We just need the funds to hire a better architect!

Keep the cho-bang alive! Sisuahlai.

Bo-yong

BO-YONG adv., v. no use, unreliable
TAU-NAU n. brain

I haven't slept today. My tau-nau bo-yong (brain is useless!). I haven't found a good material to blog on.

Need to sleep to rejuvenate then leng-cheng (a Teochew word) enough to write some more.

Concussed. Sisuahlai.

P/s: Be careful how you pronounce leng-cheng, which really means rejuvenate in Teochew, if you said it right. You don't want Hokkien-speaking people to think that you have a "swollen breast"! Aisayman.

Sayang-Si

SAYANG-SI n.,pl. what a pity!

Another Malay-Hokkien hybrid word. If you are a real man, you do not use this word. This word is used by ladies to show their mild disappointment after a missed chance. It can also be used in the context of unnecessary waste of an item. Sayang means to love and care in Malay, or siok in Hokkien. But siok-si means something completely different.

Examples of usage:

(1) That boy so hand-sum and parents so tua-liap (VIPs). Sayang-si. If only you kow (flirt with) him that night, you might end up his girlfriend now. Haiya, never mind.

(2) Why throw away that curry. Still good lei. Sayang-si. Still can be eaten with bread.
( A common cause of diarrhoea. When someone says sayang-si, you frequently feel compelled to agree with them!)

(3) Sisuahlai wants to prove that blog readers are rarely tempted by sexy images. Sayang-si, when given the choice to see or not to see a hiaw-hiaw image, 45 out of 53 clicked on see! (shakes head)


Sisuahlai. Have a nice weekend!

Great News!

Congratulations to Sisuahlai's sister and her fiance on their recent Engagement.


C., you jadi Robert DeNiro and Me, Marlon Brando... no cannot, that role already taken by KampungNangkaBoy.

Sisuahlai.

No Hiaw No Money

SIAW adj. mad
HIAW adj. sexy

Sisuahlai's take on BBC: Shareholders to sue over GTA sex

The publisher of the popular PC/Playstation game, GRAND THEFT AUTO, is facing more legal action over the secret sex scenes in the game. People will do anything to boost their sales and popularity, usually this anything involved the use of explicit scenes and action. Bad, very bad.

Sadly, we, the joe public, usually fall for the temptation. If someone tells you there is a secret, sex scene in game x, what will you do? Will you shunt away from the game or will you want to find out more?

Sisuahlai wants to carry out a little experiment. See how many of you are tempted or NOT tempted. Are you STRONG enough?

Are you tempted? Click here to view the secret GRAND THEFT AUTO sex scenes. (warning: those with heart condition and those working in strict office rules)

I am not tempted. Click here if your will power permits.

Results will be published in 48 hours. Don't fall for the trap.

The siaw scientist, Sisuahlai.

Inside Sisuahlai's HQ: The Kitchen

LUAN-LUAN adj. messy

This is my workplace kitchen. I purposely arranged it in such a way to show you how a kitchen should NOT kept.

Sisuahlai never luan-luan.

Sisuahlai's Everything You Wanted To Know About Love

CHENG-JI n. gun-seed or bullet

Listen well...

(1) Men prefer women with a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7 and symmetrical, happy faces. No use having a perfect ratio but with a chiak cheng-ji face (worried face, one that has bitten a bullet!).

(2) Love and fear send the same type of message to the brain: take your date to a horror film and they're more likely to find you attractive. Suggestion: Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

(3) Men, if given the choice, will reject the younger LESS good-looking women in favour of an attractive older women. Beauty is more important than youth and fertility.

(4) Twice as many men as women prefer bad sex to no sex.

(5) A woman looking for a sense of humour in a man is saying "Show me how socially skilled you are." When a woman laughs a lot, a man's instinct is: "She must think I'm great".

(6) Money overrides factor (5).

(7) Men with money and humour, he shall be King.

(8) Power overrides (5) and (6).

Don't despair if you haven't any money, looks or power. Try blogging. Most bloggers are single, and they are quite contented being single. And besides, blogging is free.

Sisuahlai.
Adapted from T.S.T.M.

AMENDMENT:
The word single seems to upset some readers. Let me re-write the last sentence:

Don't despair if you haven't any money, looks or power. Try blogging. Most bloggers are free, single and available, and they enjoy being single! Like most bloggers, blogging is also FREE!

Sometimes Sisuahlai Gets TU-LAHN

TU v. meet
LAHN n. male genital

Let me correct you. I don't get to meet lahns, male genitals. I am not going to some male genitalia convention. Even if there is one, I am not interested. TU-LAHN means to feel frustrated, dissatisfied and most displeased.

I have been working for 8 hours solidly and my kunchu (junior in Malay) asked for rest after working less hours than me! How can one? But being a foolish compassionate idiot like I am, I let them go for their breaks and I suffered silently, gritting my teeth through those busy hours. This is how TU-LAHN feels like. You cannot vent your anger, because you need to motivate your team and you cannot voice your displeasure, because you don't want to be their least favourite honcho.

Kek-sim. Sisuahlai.

And lastly, G., thanks for the card. I know it's the thought that counts.

Happy Sisuahlai Day!

DISCOVER KUCHING: Sei Moh

Sisuahlai's blog is ONE MONTH OLD today. The blog readership count is currently standing at 3399, apparently 99% of the site hits are from my cousin IPs (yes, its YOU L.!). Sorry, the family do have an obsessive gene. And for the 1% of you, thank you for visiting. I hope you are learning as much as I am writing.

Chew Lau Huwek(bleeding hand). Sisuahlai.

Sei Moh

SEI v. wash
sa' (wash)
MOH n. hair
pom (hair)

Everyone loves sei moh! This is Kuching, Hokkien-speaking gentlemen's most favourite pastime. No, this is NOT done home. It has to be done in a properly licensed premise.

And no, you cannot get your wife to do it for you, sei moh has to be done by someone else, even if it means somebody else's wife.

And yes, there is some art, skills and kang-hu involved. If you do not know what this involved, I suggest you visit one of our Kuching sei-moh salons.

Here is some guide:-

(1) 25 minutes of therapeutic hairwashing involving the use of menthylated shampoo (cooling effect) and scalp massage. Price: RM15-RM20

(2) 25 minutes of upperbody massage - ie shoulders, all the way down to butt crack but STOPS there. Price: included in package (1)

In addition to this:

(3) Ear waxing - 40 minutes of TLC on your ear, involving some titillating/tingling sensation as they poke through your noobs, leaving them feeling refreshed and invigorated. Price: RM20. Warning: Are you medically insured? Risk of rupturing ear membrane is part of the hazard or fun, depending on your general outlook in life.

(4) Facial massage - 40 minutes of applying skin firming sensual oils/cream on face and neck. Price: RM20-RM30. You will be asked for the price you are willing to pay for your vanity. I suggest going for the higher price option. Usually the more expensive chemicals are tested on animal first. Whereas the least expensive ones are first tested on you!

(5) Facial tweezer and squeezing treatment - this, I won't recommend as it's mighty painful. We are men. We are pain adverse, unlike women, who have no appreciation of noxious stimulation in the pursuit of beauty. Price: Don't know, not worth bothering.

(6) And sometimes, if you're lucky, you get to hear interesting conversations in the therapy room between the patrons and the masseurs. Price: Priceless.

And finally, sei-moh doesn't mean you need to have hair. Even baldies are welcome. The service is then called SEI TAU (wash head!).

Authors:
Jeremy-C, Patron saint of Sei Tau.
Sisuahlai, Patron saint of Sei Moh.

P/s: Aunty, now I blog asking people to go for your higher price options, next time JC and I go, can give discount or not? Don't want extras, just discount.

First glimpse inside Sisuahlai's HQ

Sisuahlai's luan-luan HQ.

Tan Khu-Khu

TAN v. wait
ror (thai)
KHU adj. long
nan (thai)

Ah Chee: You want me to ask that girl out for Valentine's! Tan khu-khu. She is a blogger. I scared she report everything on the net. Afterward I become popular, for the wrong reason.

Ah Meng: No need to be scared. Just tell her that you are actually Sisuahlai. He can also report back on his blog. So same-same.

Ah Chee: Your idea beh pai lei. (beh pai lei= not so bad, lei is a suffix)

Ah Meng: Helping a friend to get a girl, no problem. You can count on me.

Ah Chee: How about you?

Ah Meng: Dating girl, me? Tan khu-khu. I am too kesi for that. (kesi=cool)

Ah Chee: You gay is it?

Ah Meng: Better spend money on myself than on a girl. Can't stand emotions.


There. Tan khu-khu means wait long-long (a superexaggerator word again, see SI BAY NAP). It is used to dismiss a suggestion. And in Kuching, it is common for closet gay men to say that they are too kesi for girls.

Not so kesi. Sisuahlai.

Kopi Susu

KOPI SUSU n. (malay) coffee with milk

Sisuahlai’s take on Star: Singaporeans are closer but will never be like coffee with milk

Rightly, we should worry about being a homogenised "kopi susu" state. The Singapore Prime Minister says Singapore won’t be one. Sisuahlai also wants to say that Malaysia must not be one.

The ability to live harmoniously among different races, beliefs, and among people with absurd but non-threatening political views and lifestyle choices is the true hallmark of a civilised society.

WE DO NOT NEED ONE SINGLE NATIONALISED IDENTITY AND CULTURE.



Do you want a canned kopi susu? No surprises. No controversies. Made in France. Produced in Indonesia. Sold in Thailand.

Definitely not kopi susu. Unhomogenised Sisuahlai.

Chuan

CHUAN adj. tired

We should stop ranting and cease all the kiu-kiu tiews on the controversial euthanasia of a local newspaper. Sarawak Tribune is just a name. Let's come up with something new. About time anyway. Disband the Sarawak Tribune Press Company and invite the same people back again, but back under a NEW COMPANY NAME. What so difficult? (Unless of course our PM says like that also cannot. Must listen to the Sensible one.)

Let me suggest some names:-

(1) Sarawak Daily
(2) Sarawak Recorder
(3) The New Sarawak Tribune (did they ban the Straits Times many many years ago, and some smart alec came up with the name The New Straits Times?)
(4) Sarawak Tabloid
(5) Sarawak Voice

Now please stop ranting about the Sarawak Tribune suspension. I hear also chuan. No need to be so dramatic, saying we have no freedom of speech and all. We live in Malaysia. Not America. I can live without the freedom to carry guns, freedom to hold Nazi rallies, and freedom to say publicly that you race-hate.

Although I agree we do have some really petty, paternalistic rules, but honestly, I rather this, than to live in a free-for-all-say-anything-you-like-because-this-is-your-mouth society.

Malaysia is OK. Sisuahlai Happy Happy.

Kiu-kiu Tiew

KIU-KIU TIEW v., v. keep on complaining, persistent grumbling

Sarawak's longest running broadsheet, Sarawak Tribune, has been suspended from further publication and distribution. This is a sad day for many different reasons. We just have to respect our Internal Security Minister's decision and let's not kiu-kiu tiew about this.

Let's move on.

How about starting Sarawak Tabloid? With Page 3 girls.

Game over Sarawak Tribune, welcome Sarawak Tabloid!

Not such a sad day afterall. Who should be Sisuahlai's First Page 3 girl? (send your pictures to sisuahlai@googlemail.com)

Sisuahlai Press.

Competing interest: NONE. Borneo Post did not pay me for this article.

Mana Uh Eng

MANA (malay) where
UH v. tr. have
ENG n. leisure, free time

This is a Malay-Hokkien hybrid phrase, often used incorrectly by Malays when they say mana eng instead of mana UH eng. It means,"are you suggesting I have time for this? cheh!"

"Cheh" is a Hokkien expression for disgust, disapproval and sometimes, annoyance.

Examples of usage:

"I don't do blogging. Teenager hobby. Talk nonsense most of the time! Mana UH eng!"

"Asking me to go watch Lord of the Ring movie in cineplex! Heard it's 3 hours long. Mana UH eng."


Do you have a better example of mana uh eng usage? Please post your examples in the comment section.

Did I just hear you say mana uh eng?

Sisuahlai. Jin eng.

Cartoon that Shook Sisuahlai

I was damn jealous when I saw this picture on Jeremy-C's blog. I also want to be part of the group. See, like it or not, Sisuahlai is here...


Apologies to KNB. Correction.

After much scrutiny, Sally pointed out that the distribution was not consistent with the typical pattern of lau jio. She applied her Phd knowledge and came out with a different theory to explain for the stain... not lau jio but...


Erm, spilled beer right?


Sisuahlai. Stirred.

The Cartoon That Shook the World (and Sarawak Tribune)

SI-O v. think
keed (thai)

Sisuahlai's take on NST: Malaysian PM ticks off Sarawak Tribune

Serious Bloggers, like serious media people, have responsibilities. We publish materials to inform, to humour and sometimes, to sell an idea, service or products. We are not here to insult or to get a reaction. If we disagree on an issue, we discuss and explain our position.

Yes, there is a fine line between a satirical image and one that makes a mockery of others. This is when the publishers and editors have to apply their intelligence and common sense on deciding what constitutes a satire or an unnecessary mockery.

Peter Oborne of the London Evening Standard applied his common sense and came up with this...

I do not think that a great issue of free speech is at stake here. Even if I did, I would never want to defend the right to abuse a great religious leader.

Those who defend the right to publish the cartoon on the basis that we have free speech in modern Western societies are wrong. There are all kinds of things we cannot say, and for admirable reasons. We cannot insult minority groups. We cannot say slavery was right. We cannot say Holocaust was a good thing.

If you made those claims in certain parts of London, you could rely on a very violent response indeed, and very few observers would feel that was unreasonable. It seems natural for Muslims to ask that we do not insult the man they regard as exemplar of all human goodness, and quite right for us to agree.


These ill-advised publishers or editorial slips or whatever you call them are the true cartoons.

Sisuahlai cares.

Chee-kor

CHEE-KOR n. pervert
la-mok (thai)

Chee-kor is a gender specific term, it can only be applied to men. I don't know if there is a term for the female version of chee-kor, perhaps lam-kor (if kor means to stick to something). So chee-kor means to stick to chee, and lam-kor should therefore means to stick to lam. Chee- and lam- are the first syllabi to the genital of the corresponding gender, female and male.

Hokkien-speaking people don't do transexual, too confusing.

D., a regular reader of Sisuahlai (so I like to think) sent me this picture she took recently. This statue can be found in a castle called Chateauc Hambord in Loire, France. It is an eerie image of a chee-kor buck and a lam-kor French lady.

D., French people all like that one, is it?



D: Can this be used for chee-kor?
Sisuahlai: Can.

Che Mik Su

CHE MIK SU pron., n. what is wrong?

This blog is slowly digressing into the land of random social commentaries. Let us return to the blog's original purpose: the pursuit of Hokkien Nirvana, where every citizen of the world understand and speak Hokkien. Kuching-style.

Today's phrase is CHE MIK SU.

This phrase has several levels of use. The most elementary level, is the compassionate use. Like a mother asking her child if there was any problem.

But Sisuahlai's level is a little more sophisticated than that. CHE MIK SU here means "what's wrong? any problem?" ala American-Italian mob style.

This is extremely useful in tricky situation. Almost similar to the function of TU SI A-NAY (see previous post). It is a phrase of utter defiance and complete disregard to social norms. Hokkien-speaking people are not usually taught in the fine art of reasoning like some so-called modern, Western-educated people (unless your parents are Maths teachers). So using the phrase CHE MIK SU saves a lot of reasoning time and thinking effort.

Examples of usage:

(1) You have clearly broken the rules. You drove without a valid car tax, you were seen using the mobile phone and you did not wear the seat belt. The police pulled you over. You stopped your car and walked up to the police instead of allowing the police to confront you.

POLICE OFFICER: (looking at you with a hint of fear, as walking non-chalantly towards a police officer itself is an act of gangsterism)
YOU: (in your most assertive voice) CHE MIK SU?

Now, walk calmly back into the car and drive off. If the police officer does not pursue you with the siren on, you win.

(2) Your teacher asks for your homework. And life for you is far more important than to complete some petty essay on "the importance of tolerance in a multi-racial society". You obviously subscribe to racial tolerance, absolutely and blindly, so you think wasting an hour of your life writing something so obvious is completely unreasonable and unacceptable.

TEACHER: Did not finish your homework again?
YOU: (in your calmest voice and in a slow patronising manner) CHE, MIK, SU?

And now look at your friends (if you have any) with your eyes rolled up. Do not worry if you don't have friends at school. You don't need peers. Subordinates do not count as "friends".


Ka pai. Sisuahlai.

International Jetty

Question: Is Kuching really an International City?

Answer: YES.

SISUAHLAI FACT:

Kuching is an international city. The Kuching Airport is testimony of this great status. If you haven't seen Kuching, you cannot claim to have seen it all. Another example of Kuching international"ness" is this Amazing Jetty:-

Click here to enlarge image. The definitive proof.

Visit Kuching Year 2006. Sisuahlai.

Google Blogger Book

CHE' n. book
nang sze (thai)

A new blog-book titled The Rational Guide to Google Blogger (written by W Lee) will be available from 1 March 2006. I have reserved 3 copies. Do you want one?

Well, to make life interesting and for my own, personal amusement, I have decided to start a competition. I will give one copy away to a Sisuahlai blog reader with the most interesting, original article on an interesting Hokkien word/phrase. Submit your entry to sisuahlai@googlemail.com. Pia! Pia! Pia!

The second copy will be given away to the first person to advertise on Sisuahlai's blog space. See details on the side-bar.

The last copy will be awarded to a blogger with the highest blog referrals to Sisuahlai in February. To give you a fair advantage, the count is effective from 6 February. Kennysia.com blog was the highest referral site last month generating more than 200 visits for this blog-site in just one day! Kam sia, kam sia. How powerful is your link?

Retail price: £10.99 on amazon.co.uk. Slightly cheaper on the US version, amazon.com.

Unashamedly Sisuahlai.

Deep concerns for Malaysian "workers" in London

A Malaysian blogger recently wrote about the worrying trend of Malaysians, who speak minimal English and with education no higher than mid-secondary school level, immigrating to the UK to find work.

I do not have any official figures, but to be fair to Malaysians in the UK, only a minority of them over-stayed their visas, worked illegally and founds themselves involved in the triad-run flesh trade. The majority of them are in legitimate businesses, full-time education and hold genuine intentions to better themselves.

5xmom posted this on her blog:

So, tell me. If you are young and reckless, with little education, not fluent in English, never travel out of the country, do you dare to fly all the way to UK?

The answer is YES if I am young and reckless. But the ones who are involved in illegitimate work are precisely the ones who are desperate and reckless.

She made this following point:

I would have told the(ir) moms about the lucrative job of prostitutes. Or their sons can earn easy money ferrying drugs. Because, tiu, if their kids can survive waitressing (that’s what most claim), they can easily earn decent money in their own father’s establishments. (the fathers have small businesses of their own) They can do legal work, albeit a harder one here in Malaysia. Why do something as risky as this?

I share her concerns about Malaysians working illegally as prostitutes. These people are, more often than not, coerced into this industry. It is far more difficult to run away from this if you are overseas, and worse, staying abroad without a valid visa. This makes coming forward and seeking legal help even more difficult.

If you google on "Malaysian Escort in UK", you will have a good idea, that these are not unfounded concerns. 5xmom is right to worry for her friends' missing-in-UK kids.




These are Malaysian agency ladies in London. They work for an introducing agency who probably takes half of their earnings. Half an hour's work is an average month's pay in Malaysia for these girls. So 5xmom, it is clear to see that it is a lot harder to prevent Malaysians from coming abroad to work as an escort if these are the money that they are getting.

The only way we can stop them is by convincing them that MALAYSIA IS A BETTER PLACE TO WORK AND LIVE IN. Maybe we should get one of these agency ladies to write about their work experience. Do you know any?

Sisuahlai.